|   Because you asked for it - Worst waste of two hours on film? | Worf101
Aug 9, 2002 9:03 AM | | Some folks got hot and lathered about some bad, bad movies below so I want to quantify this take a bit. Please identify the movies that were so down-low pitiful and stank that, if given the opportunity, you'd punch the miscreant's responsible in the nose? Here's my short list:
1. Age of Innocence - Three hours about a gutless man who hasn't the balls to take the woman he really loves. Sheesh...
2. Pearl Harbor - They got the date and the place right.
3. Steven Segal et al - This mutha deserves a lifetime achievement award.
4. Adam Sandler - See above.
5. RollerBall (2001) - I'm just speechless.
Let me know what ya think...
Da Worfster |
| re: Because you asked for it - Worst waste of two hours on film? | jeskibuff
Aug 9, 2002 10:21 AM | | The only specific film on your list that I saw was Pearl Harbor, and I didn't think it all that bad. I don't care for Segal or Sandler films either, but as I remember, Happy Gilmore wasn't too bad.
My "worst" award goes to: Escape from L.A.
I have never seen such a bad assemblage of celluloid in my life. I am still puzzled why I watched the whole thing. |
| the horror.... the horror.... | Kam
Aug 9, 2002 10:47 AM | | Have to agree with Battlefield Earth mentioned below. I almost never use the word "hate" in any context because of the intensity of that word, but i hated this movie.
Also....
1. Low down dirty shame
2. jaws 4 (see, i really didnt like it, it is so bad that it's bad)
3. pearl harbor, yes, for 2 hour did suck, but had a nice 20 minutes of action in it, although... i did think it wrong to glorify that attack sequence rather than do it justice ala dday and SPR).
4. phantom menace - same as ph, two nice action sequences wedged in the middle of crap.
5. aotc - same as pm, but with no nice action sequences wedged in the middle of crap.
there are more... unfortunately, there are many more...
peace
k2 |
| In defense of Pearl Harbor | Troy
Aug 9, 2002 1:50 PM | | This wasn't as bad as all that. Yeah, hackneyed, flat and historicaly inaccurate, but I enjoyed parts of it. Colorful, loud and very lush is what it had going for it. Kate Beckinsale was beautiful to watch too. Her relationship with that sappy nothing with big ears (Hartnett) was totally unbelieveable and lacked any chemistry, but since I had never seen her before, I enjoyed her time on the screen. Rent "Serendipity" with your girlfriend, she's a stunner in it and you'll make points with the GF for volunteering to rent a romantic comedy too.
I'm voting for 3 Amigos or Ghostbusters 2. The only times I've ever walked out of a theater before the movie was over.
Saw BF Earth on cable and it was shockingly amateurish, but for the most part I stay away from obvious turds like that or the New Rollerball, Master of Disguise or Adam Sandler movies. I don't even need to see them to know that they're bad. One of the benefits of being old I guess. |
| re: Because you asked for it - Worst waste of two hours on film? | bogrod
Aug 9, 2002 1:56 PM | | While I already listed two movies just below here, this would be my definitive list of my personal klinkers.
1. Glen or Glenda - This is truly, in every conceivable way, the worst movie made by the worst film director of all time.
2. Manos The Hands of Fate - Scrapes by in second place, just barely. Made by a fertilizer salesman. One of the 'stars' of this movie commited suicide shortly after its local premier. Nuff said.
3. Battlefield Earth - Another wretched excuse for a movie. It is so bumbling and awkward, thjat its hard to decide whether to laugh, or scream.
4. Wag The Dog - Fell asleep in the movie theater after the first 20 mintues.
5. It's Pat - They made a feature about this one-note Saturday Night Live comedy sketch. One-note comedy is fine for 5 minutes. For 90?..... |
| Here are some REAL bad movies... | LordElrond
Aug 11, 2002 8:16 PM | | You guy's listed some bad movies, but there are alot more outthere...I seen enough crap to know what's bad so I don't bother watching...However somtimes a friend talks me into seeing one...Here's the short short short list!
1. Canadien Bacon - John Candy.
2. Python - casper van dien.
3. Black Knight - Martin Lawrence
4. Repo Man - emelio estevez
5. The Time Machine( 2001 ver. )- Guy Pearce?
These movies just sucked. I love movies and don't mind leaving my brain at the door, but COM'ON. A giant snake that is 50 feet long and as wide as a bus hiding in a garage? Or the fact a black man in the middle ages isn't hung immediatley or put as a slave, don't get me started on the black lady princess..whatever. And the time machine? It's started good but...did everyone have a labotomy 1/3 throught????
Argghhh....
Mark. |
| Repo Man??? Repo Man was "CLASSIC"!!!! | Worf101
Aug 12, 2002 10:36 AM | | In my best Ahnold accent. "Don't diss my movie, Repo Man was Classic, shaddup you cretin before I break you in haff like a twig."
No, I love that film, what didn't you like about it?
Da Worfster |
| Repo Man??? Repo Man was "CLASSIC"!!!! Sorry...Not!! | LordElrond
Aug 12, 2002 8:11 PM | | Where to begin...
First I only saw this the other day...Wal-Mart had a copy there for 4.88 canadien on vhs( Widescreen, ThX enhanced sound and video...) It LOOKED good, so I bought it. Me and my wife and our movie loving friends sat down to watch it.
I don't know how we made it throught.
First I tell the good points...Mr. Estevez had some funny lines...???
Now the bad points...
The movie really seemed to be missing about 40 min worth of scenes...Nothing in the movie was connected. I don't even know where to begin...His Best friend left the movie, his girlfriend( I guess ) Hates him in one scene then acts like she loves him at the end?? The Secret agency after the car..Some people wore radiation suits right next to people without?? And the lady with the Metal Hand??? what's up with her? Then the girlfriend runs from agency, then helps them? And the Fight scene in the store??? Why? You new the guy who flew the car in the end would but why? Is he an alien? And why ad his parents in the movie?
Arghh??????
It just seemed like there was too much unanswered or didn't make sense...the movie had no real plot or defined characters( I don't normally talk like this just trying to make a point), I think the director or producer just got lazy when they cut the movie together...
Anyhow I realize some people like the movie( I like odd movies too( Remo Williams, 8 heads in a duffle bag, etc,)
But this movie was really bad. Sorry.
Mark. |
| You are right though... | Worf101
Aug 12, 2002 10:38 AM | | about M.L. and Black Knight. That movie was so bad it makes "Shaft in Africa" look like Citizen Kane... Ye Gads what chite that was.
Da Worfster |
| The worst travesty on film is... | Keith from Canada
Aug 12, 2002 5:11 AM | | The English Patient. This was the lamest 8 hours of my life (at least that's how long the movie felt). |
| Deal of the Century - Chevy Chase | PwrPopGuy
Aug 12, 2002 5:41 AM | | A film that proves even the funniest actor can't save a bad script, plot, direction, the whole package. Geoffrey Hines had a funny scene, though, when he char-broiled a car with a flame thrower, "A little touch-up for you".
I also agree with "Wag the Dog", one of those critically-acclaimed, two thumbs up, pieces o' artsy-fartsy crap.
Airplane 2: The Sequel |
| Deal of the Century - Chevy Chase | bogrod
Aug 12, 2002 5:16 PM | | I didn't find "Wag The Dog" 'artsy fartsy', I found it a gimmick... A real quick one at that. :-) |
| One old, one new........ | _Luke_
Aug 12, 2002 6:12 AM | | White Nights with Mikhail Baryshnakov. I would give a brief synopsis but my mind has successfully wiped clear all momory of that particular two hours. It was bad. Really bad.
Remains of the Day with Anthony Hopkins. Was this movie about something? After awhile all I got was the Charlie Brown adult voice (wah, wah wah.....) for all but the action scenes. Oh yeah, there were no action scenes. In fact, I was more active than the actors by running to the bathroom.
It's unfortunate that I saw both of these pigs with girls (easy now!) who had to see just a little more to see if it got better. It didn't. |
| OK, Ill play | 2 channel
Aug 15, 2002 6:35 AM | | My list is based on movies I was really looking forward to but that completely let me down!
1. Signs and Unbreakable - Tied for the Worst movie I have ever seen!
2. Shallow Hal - Isn't Jack Black funnier than this?
3. Jeepers Creepers -What a joke!!!
4. SW ATOC - STOP THE INSANITY!
5. AI - "I see stupid people!" |
| Dayum Man.... you play rough!!! (nt) | Worf101
Aug 15, 2002 12:46 PM | | |
| re: Because you asked for it - Worst waste of two hours on film? | WStan
Aug 19, 2002 12:00 PM | | 1. Life is Beautiful. I hate that freak Benigni, so of course I hated the movie. No one I've ever seen, including all the WWF "wrestlers" in creation, is one half as full of himself as that geeky little chump. Oh, the plot was also ridiculously implausible. Had Benigni been a non-Jew, his treatment of the Holocaust would have been shouted out of town for its trivialization of that tragedy.
2. Bad Girls. A friend won two tickets, I failed to convince her to throw them away and somehow managed to get bribed to see this utter POS about wild west whores who get revenge on their abusive johns and become an outlaw gang. If you can picture Drew Barrymore and Andie McDowell at their absolute worst (and there are few actresses capable of the lows these two can reach), you are about 30% of the way toward understanding just how bad this film was.
3. Anaconda. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Just awful acting, plot, you name it. What a crappy movie. The damn snake suddenly changed from a really large maneating constrictor to a supernatually powerful and blindingly fast special effect from a science fiction movie.
4. SW Ep. I AOTC. Poor acting, no plot, no romance, no humor, no suspense, no action, no logic.... well, that racing scene was pretty cool, but probably only because it was the demo DVD the first time I ever experienced a real HT system at the dealer's.
5. The Mummy/Mummy Returns. Brendan Frasier is one of only a few public figures in this country who can rival our current president in the category "who is the biggest boob?" What an unbelievably unintelligent and horrible actor he is. If there actually was a plot to these two movies that contained anything exciting, I can't remember it because of how bad Frasier did in his role.
6. Anything with Adam Sandler in it, no need to differentiate between them, as they're all the same. Sandler is an oddly astute guy who was able to understand that there is a sizeable portion of the population who not only cannot tell funny from un-funny, but will repeatedly buy up films in which a dork plays a mentally challenged boy-man. I'm just lucky enough to have never wasted a penny on his films in either the theater or video stores. Now if I can only get back those missing hours....
7. Sister Act. Got into a huge fight with an old girlfriend who insisted that we watch this crap - after half the movie, I refused to waste further time on it and played a computer game instead. It's bad enough when a director thinks it's clever to kick the tired old cliche horse and put a character into a ridiculously improbable role, but when you make it into a musical too, you might as well just roll a bus over my skull. |
| Most of what you say, I can agree with wholeheartedly... | Worf101
Aug 20, 2002 11:33 AM | | but I did kinda like Sister Act. It was hokey but no where near the depths of your other listings.
Just my opinion...
Da Worfster |
| re: Because you asked for it - Worst waste of two hours on film? | A
Sep 11, 2002 3:31 PM | | Worf101, the worst is too difficult to select, because there are so many absolutely dreadful films, that one hardly knows where to begin. <i>Plan 9 From Outer Space</i> comes to mind, as some have called it the very worst film. It is a complete waste of time, and is tedious and boring. There is probably something worse than it. Thankfully, I have not seen most of the films on your list (when reviewers hate a film, I usually avoid it). However, I seem to recall seeing a Steven Segal film on TV once (I can't remember the name of the film), and if it is representative of his other work, you are absolutely right about him.
I also have not seen several of the other films that people have mentioned. But what surprised me the most in looking at the lists above, is the inclusion of <i>Wag The Dog</i>, <i> Canadian Bacon</i>, <i> The English Patient</i>, <i>AI</i>, and <i> Life is Beautiful</i> (I suppose though, since taste in films is so subjective, nothing mentioned here should surprise me).
<i>Wag The Dog</i> was not a great film, and did not say anything too original, but it doesn't deserve to be mentioned among the very worst. It at least deals with an issue worthy of consideration. <i> Canadian Bacon</i> is a forgettable comedy of no great importance, but no worse than the majority of mindless comedies made. <i> The English Patient</i> is a film I actually liked. It was beautifully filmed, and had a more intelligent story than most films. <i>AI</i> had an interesting premise, but the wrong director. This is a good example of a good idea that isn't taken in the right direction. Certainly not great, but not among the worst films ever. <i> Life is Beautiful</i> is certainly over rated, and was far too light with the subject matter. But it wasn't one of the worst films ever made.
But to add to the subject at hand, what about the worst use of a huge budget ever: Waterworld. All those millions spent for that piece of.... I'd rather drink my own urine than sit through that again. |
| Unh, then I take it you never saw "The Postman"? | Worf101
Sep 16, 2002 7:04 AM | | Keven Costner.... man never has one actor squandered so much money, time, talent and good will as that man.... Sigh... much as I agree with you... unh your last sentence was a wee bit "over the top" fer me. I think I'd watch the movie... But boy did it make me laugh out loud.
Yours...
Da Worfster |
| I've seen Il Postino (The Postman) but not Costner's The Postman | A
Sep 16, 2002 10:03 AM | | It is unfortunate that there is a different film called <i>Il Postino</i> (in English, "The Postman") that was made a few years earlier than Costner's <i>The Postman</i>. <i>Il Postino</i> is a charming film, well worth seeing (unlike what I have heard about Costner's film -- and having seen him in <i>Waterworld</i>, I am very ready to believe the critics when they say that another film of his is dreadful, so I don't expect to ever watch it). Too bad some people will probably avoid <i>Il Postino</i> as they may confuse the two films.
You state:
> ... much as I agree with you... unh your last sentence was a wee bit "over the top" fer me. I think I'd watch the movie... But boy did it make me laugh out loud.
Then it had its intended effect. I hoped it would be taken metaphorically rather than literally. If I were really faced with the choice, well, ... I'd have to think about it. <i>Waterworld</I> would be over 2 hours of suffering (which makes it extra bad, as a short bad movie is at least short), whereas one would only suffer for a very short amount of time drinking a bit of one's own urine. That, at least, favors drinking the urine. But if I were required to constantly drink my own urine for the length of the film ... basically, this kind of question is like asking, "which would you rather have, your hand cut off or your foot cut off?" Neither option is something that anyone should ever have to go through. Forcing anyone to watch <i>Waterworld</i> would be cruel and unusual punishment. Costner should be tarred and feathered and driven out of Hollywood forever.
At least I didn't pay anything to see it. And it confirmed the value of critics, as they had warned me that it was really, really bad. When critics hate a film, one should pay attention and see if other critics agree. It can save one from undo suffering. |
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